I've Been Watching Y'all Celebrate the Bare Minimum (And We Need to Talk)

A social media scroll shouldn't expose how low our standards have fallen, but here we are. If you've been celebrating a man for texting back or remembering your coffee order, this is your wake-up call. Let's talk about modern dating standards, why we're settling for bare minimum in relationships, and how to stop accepting crumbs.

Tap those fingers: this ain't judgment, it's a conversation we've been avoiding.

Table of Contents

• What I've Been Seeing on Social Media

• The Post That Made Me Write This

• When Did Consistency Become Exceptional

• What We're Really Teaching the Next Generation

• The Soft Life Isn't About Money

• What Healthy Relationship Standards Actually Look Like

• What You Need to Hear Right Now

What I've Been Seeing on My Timeline

So I'm on TikTok the other day, minding my business, watching cooking videos. Then the algorithm hits and suddenly I'm deep in relationship TikTok.

And y'all. Y'ALL.

Video after video of women posting their boyfriends with captions like:

"He cooked for me tonight 🥺❤️" "He went grocery shopping 😭💕" "He didn't get mad when I said I was tired 🙏✨"

Thousands of comments going "MARRY HIM" and "Where do you find men like this??"

When did we start giving out relationship awards for basic human decency?

Here's What Nobody Told You About "Green Flags"

Then I kept scrolling. Instagram. Saw a post: "Green flags in a man."

The list:

• Lets you have your own friends

• Doesn't go through your phone

• When he finds time to call you and responds in a timely manner

• Respects when you say no

That's what we're calling green flags now. Things that should be baseline.

If it should be automatic, it's not a green flag. It's the bare minimum.

The Post That Made Me Write This

But the one that really got me? The one that made me sit down and write this whole thing?

A video of a woman crying. Happy crying.

Because her boyfriend of one year finally said "I love you" back.

One. Year.

She'd been saying it for six months. And he'd been responding with "thank you" or "me too" or just... nothing.

And she stayed. Hoping. Waiting. Lowering her voice when she said it so it wouldn't feel like pressure.

When he finally said it back, she made a whole video about how patience pays off. How love is worth waiting for.

The comments were full of women congratulating her. Telling their own stories of waiting years for basic emotional reciprocity.

I had to put my phone down.

Because that's not a love story. That's a tragedy we've convinced ourselves is romantic. When the question is why did he wait this long?

Share this with a sister who's waiting for someone to choose her.

Let's Be Clear About What I'm NOT Saying

I'm not here to judge anybody's relationship.

I'm not here to tell you your man ain't good enough or that you're wrong for being happy.

What I AM saying: we need to talk about why we've accepted "better than terrible" as the standard.

Why we're so used to being treated poorly that when someone treats us like a regular human being, we think we've found a unicorn.

You don't have to reduce your standards to fit into someone's life.

I'm not telling you to leave your partner. I'm asking you to think about why you're celebrating things that should be automatic.

Signs You're Settling in a Bare Minimum Relationship

Here's what I've noticed in all these posts:

The math never adds up.

She's doing 90% of the emotional labor, he's doing 10%, but they're calling it partnership.

She's initiating every serious conversation, planning every date, remembering every important event, checking in on him constantly.

And he's showing up when it's convenient.

She's bending herself into shapes she doesn't recognize, ignoring her own needs, shrinking her expectations.

And he's doing the basics.

And here are the signs that hit different for us:

• He loves you in private but treats you like an option in public

• He calls you dramatic or "too much" for expressing your needs

• He expects you to carry him emotionally but goes silent when you need support

• He shows up to your events but never posts you

• He's fine with you spending money but gets weird when you ask him to contribute

Ask me how I know.

I once I dated a man who cleaned the house and cooked for a whole month straight, and I acted like he deserved a Nobel Peace Prize.

A MONTH. Meanwhile, I'd been doing it for years without so much as a thank you.

That's how low the bar was. And I didn't even realize it until I was bragging to my friend and heard myself.

Send this to someone who needs to see it: When "at least" becomes your standard, you've already accepted too little.

When Did Consistency Become Exceptional?

I saw another post that stuck with me.

A woman made a whole appreciation post because her man "consistently communicates."

Consistently. Communicates.

Not that he's kind. Not that he's supportive. Not that he challenges her to grow or celebrates her wins.

Just that he... talks to her. Regularly. Like a person in a relationship should.

I'm not mad at her for appreciating it. I know what it's like to date men who go silent for days, who give you breadcrumbs of attention and expect you to make a meal out of it.

What I'm frustrated with is that we're SO used to inconsistency that basic communication feels like a blessing instead of a requirement.

What the Comment Sections Are Really Telling Us

The comments under these posts broke my heart.

Thousands saying: "I wish my man was like this" "How did you train him to do this?"

Train him. Like basic respect is a trick.

And worse: "My boyfriend doesn't even ask about my day" "Mine gets mad if I spend time with friends" "At least yours remembers to help around the house"

Women finding comfort that at least they're not in the worst situation.

When did "at least" become our standard?

Related reading: The Real Talk About Dating Then and Now

What We're Really Teaching When We Celebrate the Minimum

Every time we make a viral post celebrating a man for doing something basic, we're sending a message.

We're saying: this is enough. Basic effort is extraordinary.

We're teaching the next generation to be grateful for scraps.

We're teaching men the bar is low.

I know some of y'all are thinking, "But if I don't celebrate the small stuff, he'll stop."

Baby. If you have to throw a parade every time he does something basic, that's not a partner.

That's a child you're parenting.

The Soft Life Isn't About Money (Let's Get This Straight)

I keep seeing posts about the "soft life" and men getting defensive talking about gold diggers and unrealistic expectations.

Let me clear something up right now.

The soft life isn't about having a man pay your bills. It's about refusing to live in constant stress while calling it love.

It's about women raising standards and choosing peace over chaos.

It's about saying: • I will not reduce myself to fit into your inability to grow • I will not shrink my needs to match your limited capacity • I will not do all the work and pretend it's partnership

It's about choosing peace. Choosing reciprocity. Choosing yourself.

And if that makes you "high maintenance" or "too much," good.

Be that.

Because the alternative is being drained, exhausted, and alone in a relationship.

Check out: The Unbothered Collection - Mugs that match this energy.

Tag a friend who's choosing her peace over chaos.

What Our Grandmothers Would Say (And Why It Matters)

My friends grandmother told me something I didn't understand until recently.

She said, "We stayed because we had to. Y'all stay because you think you should. But you don't have to do either. You can want more and actually get it."

She stayed in a marriage that didn't fulfill her because she didn't have options.

No job. No bank account in her name. Nowhere to go.

But we do. We have our own money. Our own places. Our own lives.

So why are we settling for less when we could have more?

Why are we reducing our standards to fit someone else's limitations?

Quick Steps You Can Do Today

Ask yourself these questions:

• If you didn't see all these posts celebrating the bare minimum, would you still think what you're getting is enough?

• If you weren't comparing your relationship to ones that are worse, would you still be satisfied?

• If you removed the fear of being alone, would you still choose what you have right now?

Those are hard questions. But they're necessary.

Screenshot this part: Somewhere along the way, we convinced ourselves that having standards makes us difficult. That's the lie we need to unlearn.

What Healthy Relationship Standards Actually Look Like

Standards aren't about wanting a perfect person.

They're about refusing to accept treatment that diminishes you.

Real standards in modern dating are:

• Needing emotional availability, not playing therapist to someone who won't open up

• Needing consistency, not someone who's only available when convenient

• Needing partnership, not a project to fix

• Deserving to be pursued, chosen, and celebrated, not just tolerated

• Expecting emotional reciprocity in relationships, not one-sided effort

If that eliminates most of your options? Good.

Because most options weren't offering anything worth having.

You might also like: She Said She'd Leave. Then It Happened to Her.

What You Need to Hear Right Now

I'm writing this because I've been watching us collectively lower our standards in real-time, on social media, and call it progress.

I want better for us. For you.

For the next generation who are watching what we celebrate and learning what to accept.

You don't have to make yourself smaller so they feel bigger.

You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to expect effort.

You're allowed to walk away from anything that requires you to betray yourself to maintain it.

Anybody who tells you that you're too picky? They're really just telling you they can't meet you where you are.

Let them find someone who will accept less.

That's not you anymore.

Affirmation to carry with you:

You are not asking for too much. You're just asking the wrong person.

Read that again. Save it. Believe it.

Share this with someone who needs permission to want more.

Your Auntie

If this one made you think? Good. Share it with someone who needs to hear it. We're all learning that we deserve more than crumbs.

Chronicles of a Plus Size Diva drops January 2026. Real stories about women choosing themselves.

Let's Talk in the Comments

Drop your thoughts below:

• Have you ever caught yourself celebrating the bare minimum?

• What's one "green flag" you used to celebrate that you now realize is just basic?

• What standards are you committing to for yourself?