Finding Myself in the Middle of the Chaos

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Some mornings, I wake up already tired. It starts the moment my feet hit the floor; packing lunches for the kids, finding that one missing shirt for my kid, checking my account to make sure a bill didn’t overdraft, and squeezing in a quick “good morning” to my better half before the day sweeps us both into our separate chaos. By the time I sit down at work, I’ve already lived an entire day.

There was one evening that broke me. I remember standing at the kitchen counter, bills in my bag but trust I knew how much all of them were by memory, my kids arguing in the background, and my phone buzzing with text messages. My partner walked in asking about dinner, and I just snapped. I felt like everyone needed something from me, and I had nothing left to give.

That night, I cried in the shower. Not the quiet kind of cry, more like the kind where your whole chest aches because you’ve been holding it for too long. And at that moment, I thought: Is this what life is supposed to feel like? Just surviving?

From the outside, I looked like I had it together, the hardworking mom. The partner who is trying to balance it all. But inside, I was falling apart.

• Finances, I swear, the harder I tried to stretch every dollar, the deeper I felt pulled under.

• Parenting felt like a constant tug-of-war between patience and exhaustion. I loved my kids more than life itself, but some days, I didn’t even recognize myself in the short-tempered version of me they got.

• My relationship was quietly suffering. We weren’t fighting loudly, but the silence between us was heavy. We were more like teammates managing a household than two people in love.

• Work was unrelenting. Deadlines didn’t care if my child had a fever or if I hadn’t slept.

It was a lot. Too much. And yet, I kept pretending I could carry it all.

I wish I could say I figured it out overnight. Truth is, it took hitting that breaking point and admitting that something had to change.

One of my friends suggested keeping a journal, specifically a manifestation journal. I laughed at first. I thought, I don’t have time to write in a notebook when I’m barely keeping my head above water. But late one night, I opened an empty notebook, sat in bed, and just started writing.

It wasn’t polished. It wasn’t organized. It was messy; like me. I wrote about my fears, my frustrations, and then, slowly, I wrote about what I wanted.

• I wanted to feel financially stable.

• I wanted to have more patience.

• I wanted my relationship to feel like love again, not obligation.

• I wanted peace, even if life was still chaotic.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt lighter.

Something shifted once I started writing every day.

• I noticed my mindset changing. Instead of focusing only on what was falling apart, I started looking for what was going right.

• I got clearer on my priorities. Did every task need to be done that day? Did every dollar need to be stretched the same way?

• I started to see small wins; a raise at work, more laughter with my kids, moments of connection with my partner. It wasn’t magic; it was me showing up differently because I had finally given myself a way to sort through the noise.

What I’ve Learned

Journaling didn’t erase my struggles. The bills still come, the kids still argue, work still piles up; but I don’t carry it all in the same way anymore. Writing it out reminds me that I’m not just reacting to life, I’m shaping it.

• If you’re in the middle of your own chaos, here’s what I’d tell you:

• Don’t wait until you break to give yourself permission to pause.

• Even 5 minutes a day with your thoughts can change the way you carry everything else.

• Manifestation journaling works; not because it magically fixes your problems, but because it helps you focus your energy, shift your mindset, and invite better things into your life.

I’m still figuring it out, but I’m not drowning anymore. And sometimes, that’s the victory worth celebrating.

Artish GAL

9/01/25